kblam

why do i still try? why do i still fucking try to explain myself to other people? seriously. no one gets it. and furthermore i don't think anyone cares. and i don't mean cares about me. i mean they don't care to understand. it's probably easier to think that i'm just some bitch who flakes on her commitments than to try to understand what it's like inside my head.

fuck why do i even care? they wouldn't be able to grasp it even if they tried. the fear, the utter self hatred, the constant confusion. you don't know how i'm feeling? I DON'T FUCKING KNOW HOW I'M FEELING! hell, i don't even know who i am anymore!

i'm fucking imploding over here and no one gives a shit. i try to reach out, to be the adult i'm supposed to be and that fucking doesn't work. if i act on the feelings i have right now i would be "acting out" and certain people would be "very disappointed" in me and it would cause a whole shit storm of it's own. so what the fuck am i supposed to do?

never mind. don't answer that. it's not like you give a shit. and i don't need another fucking lecture.